Rainbow&Stars

Monday, June 12, 2006

it's been a long time ..and i have alot of things to say..seriously i'm not too good recently..been kinda down..

the past weeks , the ride is not smooth.. i went through and thought through alot..as days go by ..my love for her grow stronger and stronger..everthing seems better..i really hope to be the person beside her , there for her , be the one that lends her shoulder wherever she needs .. nw..i know that u want me to stay , u have me , mark , and kenny to choose..i know u don want me to leave but too mani things making me want to leave..i wan to leave not because i don love u ..i seriouly love u ..i can die for u ..don anything for u ..all i want to see u happy , i don wan u to worri others whether they will be hurt after u make a decision , i wan u to make a decision easier by not considering my feelings..also i think..as what alot of ppl say .. given for who u are..u deserve someone better ..for me ..i'm just a regular guy...i don know whether i can give u anything ..also my love for u is really hard for me...frankly.. everytime i see u being hurt , my heart hurts bleeds , when u worri for people , i worri for u ..everytime people hurt u ..i really hate myself not be the one beside u , i don wan to sit at home and imagining u being hurt everytime ..i don know y i just hate myself..

u ask me " does it hurts to help others to speak up wherever they did something to me ?" ..frankly eg kenny shows u attittude , it really is so painful evertime..i have to cry out every words for them..i'm saying all these not because i wan to push them to u ..is because all i wan is to see u happy..i wan u to make the correct decision..frankly..even u doesn't chose me , as long as u happy , i will be happy ..really..

u told me that kenny feelings are more of buddy...my is different..but then y does your msg inbox are full of his msg ?..is not i don trust u ..but i don know hw to trust u..things nowadays are better .. before i saw your inbox by accident on the mrt ..things are better..but when i see your inbox alot of thoughts came through my mind..u told me that i have a special place in your heart..but y does kenny msg have to be in your phone..mayb deep inside u have alredy made a choice..mayb this is all a lie..the feelings of insecurity came through my head..also..u asked me whether am i alright ..i'm not.. actually until the moment i finally realise actually i have not prepared for the day if u have made a decision ..I told u that i will be happy for u , i will be alright if u doesn't chose me ..all these while i'm lieing to myself , i fear and cried many times fearing that u will not choose me..seeing kenny has a special place in your heart and phone.. i worried that day that u chose him ahead of me..I imagine this day when i first see your phone..the excruciating pain i have lasted through the whole mrt ride was not easy to bear.. the endless questions i asked myself ..it's painful..all these while ...all these pain have become so painful till i become numb. where there are no tears no voice..just dead and dreadful..

every single day ..i pray that i can be your man . your love . my feelings for u couldn't express out as easily words..i tried..all i wan to see u happy..u need not care about my feelings even u don choose me ..i will still wait for u ..till de day i die..really i swear..u are my one and only..you are the person that i can be myself with..the person that i can't bear apart with..there's no one that can replace u..i love u ...

for nw..i just wanna look at the sky..hoping u do the same thing...missing u ..every single day when i open and close my eyes it's always u in my mind..guess for nw my other worries which not written just throw aside bah..avoid them..guess the time will come..time will tell..

people don worri me k..i will still try to smile and be myself..although many things are running through in my head..will try to stay happy..thats what your want me to be right?..haha..

*hong sheng heart stops here..

3:43 PM